…and other assorted nonsense!
Yes, it’s Wednesday again, which means it’s time to indulge in a bit of a nonsense blog post!
I’ve fallen into a bit of a pattern with my postings – clearly my OCD side taking over – but it’s helping me maintain momentum. With my last blog, I posted religiously for a couple of weeks and then it all fell by the wayside. Blog block, if you like. With this new blog, I intend to keep on telling you, my friends, my family, my random followers, my dedicated followers, and anyone else who happens to stumble across the page, what life is like for me as:
- Someone who wants to get published.
- Someone “recovering” from mental ill-health.
- Someone going through a divorce.
- Someone trying to spend more time with her children
- Someone who has too much time on her hands.
- Someone who likes making lists…
I appear to have fallen into the pattern of:
- Monday = Mental Health
- Tuesday = characterisation/writing
- Wednesday = Nonsense
- Thursday = mish-mash of mental health AND writing
- Friday = Friday Foto
- Saturday = Word for the Weekend
Everything nice and neat and orderly; something I find rather important in my life. I’m trying to loosen up because strict control works for so long, but eventually something HAS to go wrong. I control things so I don’t have to cope with the overwhelming emotional reaction when things go wrong, but then I don’t get the experience of dealing with the reaction so, when it does come, it’s uncopeable with (and I don’t care if I just made up a word!).
I’ve changed my mind. This has just become a mental health posting, for those who find themselves trying to control every situation for fear of what might happen if control is lost. If you can, let go of some of the control. Just one tiny bit at a time. Check you’ve locked the front door six times instead of seven; let your spouse pick which movie you’re going to see at the weekend; let your kids make a mess of their bedroom or paint at the kitchen table without the “messy” tablecloth; decide that YOU’RE going to be in control of yourself. You might think that’s what you’re doing already, but you’re not. If you HAVE to do things a certain way, you’re not in control anymore.
It’s scary – believe me, I KNOW. There were times, mostly when I was hospitalised, where I thought I HAD to lay my clothes out in exactly the same way each time I took a shower. The towels had to be placed in exactly the right place; the chair moved to the exact same spot in the room. Me, trying to get control where I had none. I mean, I was hospitalised for 2.5 years and couldn’t control anything other than what I chose to. So I tried to take control of anything and everything I could. Thankfully, I stopped once I realised it was accomplishing nothing. But I still catch myself being a little-bit-OCD about things. When I write my blog, what I write, when I write my books, what days I do my housework, how I do my ironing. Minute ways of trying to maintain control. Then The Porglets come to stay…..
Control is an illusion. That sounds trite and I apologise for that fact. But it is. You can “manage” your life to a certain degree, but you can’t control everything. Learn to let go of the little things and realise the world doesn’t end. Learn to live with the uncomfortable feeling it gives you, because sure as eggs is eggs, you’re going to have to face that feeling time and time again. And you’re not necessarily going to get the time to prepare yourself. With an anxiety experiment, you CAN be prepared. So, experiment a little. For me?