…or kill anyone!
I know, I know…I manage to not kill people on a daily basis, and I’ve had very few freak out moments over the past year. BUT, when you have BPD, there’s ALWAYS the chance it’ll happen, especially when you’re feeling run-down and have a whole pile of “not normal” going on.
And I’ve had the biggest pile of “not normal” all weekend. You may have worked that out from the lack of Friday Foto and Word for the Weekend! I promise you, I did prepare the blogs and they’re sitting in my drafts section. However, I got a little busy and it was the end of the day before I even remembered them!
Here was my weekend (in my favourite thing; a list!)
- I’ve been coming down with a cold since the middle of last week. Every time I lie down, my sinuses fill for an immediate “frying pan in the face” headache.
- I’ve been asked to help a friend with her toddler/baby music class this week. It’s only a couple of hours and I love doing it, but I haven’t had much time to prepare so that’s pushing my buttons. I like to be perfect, as you all know!
- We were caravanning this weekend, preparing The Porglets for what it will be like in July when we spend a week in Orkney. Which meant a lot of packing, organising and general running around over Thursday/Friday.
- The brand new awning we bought for the caravan didn’t fit properly (thankfully we discovered this before we left). So we had to improvise with a separate tent for the children.
- It was raining and windy, so The Porglets got a little antsy about sleeping in a tent. Quick change of plan at 8.30pm saw The Porglets getting to sleep in OUR caravan bed (duvet, memory foam mattress topper) and Lovely Boyfriend and I relegated to the other end of the caravan with airbeds and sleeping bags.
- I never sleep well away from home; especially not on an airbed and especially not when The Porglets are up and down to the toilet all night (it felt like all night!) and are too sleepy to work out the intricacies of flushing a caravan toilet.
- We re-arranged the sleeping arrangements the second night, but Minimus had a moment at about 2am where she couldn’t see in the dark to get to the loo and I had to help out. She didn’t remember a thing about it in the morning! I stayed awake for the next three hours.
So – I’m rather sleep-deprived, full of the cold, unprepared for this morning’s singing class and I spent a weekend completely out of my comfort zone.
And I didn’t freak out or kill anyone. I even managed to enjoy myself! Because despite the extensive list of “things what weren’t perfect and were actually pretty darn hard for me to cope with”, I coped. I got on. I moved beyond the discomfort; shrugged it off quicker than anyone might have expected.
So – for all you at the start of your BPD journey, where you think it will be impossible to get beyond the normal day-to-day activities of getting out of bed; it can be done. It DOES take effort on your part in order to accept the bad moments amongst the good. It DOES take a lot of mental effort and a LOT of practise.
It DOES help you live a happy, contented life where you don’t freak out and kill anyone!