How NOT to…

…take offence.

Carrying on in a similar vein to yesterday, I thought I’d touch upon another touchy subject amongst those of us with slightly less “usual” thinking patterns.

It’s oh so easy to take offence at something someone says to you, and even easier to take offence at something someone’s written to you in a text or email. Lovely Boyfriend took offence at something I once said in a text message because I worded it clumsily and he read it the wrong way. It happens. We sorted it out and moved on, but it was horrible at the time.

Lovely Boyfriend’s Mum (henceforth to be referred to as Orcadian Mum) was over for a cuppie the other day and we fell into a conversation about taking offence. Now, Orcadian Mum knows she’s inclined to take offence more than she should, especially when her younger sister is involved. She’s also worked a lot over the years on her own issues, so she knows what she should be doing, but things just sometimes get to her and she takes offence.

Here’s the advice I gave her: Tell the other person that you’re upset. The other person can’t see inside your head to know; they’re not mind-readers!

When you take offence, how much mind-reading are YOU doing? How much are you inferring from past experiences with either that person or other people? Have they downright insulted you, or just said something you don’t agree with and find yourself uncomfortable with? How much of it is something you have doubts/fears/worries about without someone else pointing it out to you?

I would estimate that at least 7 times out of 10, no offence is meant. It’s all in YOUR thinking, not theirs. And even if it IS in their thinking, you don’t need to rise to it. Easier said than done, I appreciate, but it CAN be done. In order for offence to be taken, YOU have to TAKE it. Refuse it.

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3 thoughts on “How NOT to…

  1. I’m not sure if it is related to BPD, but I can take offence at trivial and meaningless situations. I don’t trust my perception of situations that potentially offend and try not to take myself too seriously. It doesn’t work all the time, but practice makes… ;0)

    • I think it’s definitely the bpd giving us an excessive emotional reaction. I’m always being accused of taking things too seriously, for instance. But the good old black & white thinking tells me to take it seriously or not at all! It’s amazing that we function at all!

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