…do you take everything?
And by everything, I mean everything!
I don’t know if it’s purely down to the BPD, or a combination of that plus other genetics, but I take everything absolutely seriously. I do my best not to let things get to me, but sometimes I really can’t help myself.
For instance: I’m taking part in 2 concerts over the following month. We’ve had 3 rehearsals for one of them and haven’t started on the other. To me, it’s vitally important to make every single rehearsal. Even when I was feeling utterly depressed, I drove myself to a house I’d never been to before, in a part of the city I’d never been to before, because I couldn’t NOT be there.
Not so with other people! Sometimes illness has to stop you, and that’s fine. But arranging something else at the last minute; something else you’d rather be doing because it benefits you more financially? I just don’t get how someone can do that?!
I’m finding myself quite stressed this week. It’s week 2 of NaNoWriMo, that dreaded grey area where doubts about your plot and characters lay siege to your creativity. Where you wonder how you’re ever going to complete the damn book in time.
Then there’s Christmas just around the corner. I’ve told the Porglets not to expect masses of presents but I’d still like to get them some of the things off their lists! Lovely Boyfriend is getting almost entirely homemade gifts in addition to the aforementioned NaNovel, and I’ve ordered the materials I will need. But whether I can pull everything off, I have no idea! I have a few hats and scarves to finish off too…
I have everything under control, but it just doesn’t feel that way. I’m taking it all too seriously! This is why going back to work is such a difficult thing for me. I can’t let go of the little problems. I end up thinking about them all the time. I take every last job too seriously!
Sometimes I need to sit back and remember that life is supposed to be fun. I do these concerts because I enjoy singing in public. I write because that’s just what I do; it’s built into my DNA. Christmas is great with the Porglets because they’re just so much fun. Knitting is a way to relax of an evening, not a chore. I’m a crafty being so handmaking gifts for Lovely Boyfriend will be exciting. I need to remember all that when I feel the weight of it all crushing down upon me…