…jellybeans! (I don’t like humbugs.)

Today is the day Lovely Boyfriend goes offshore for Christmas *sad face*.

It’s mean that his company are making him work over Christmas for the second year running, but hey ho. I dislike the fact he’ll be away but I’m also resigned to it. It’s the nature of his job and we probably get more time together as a couple because he doesn’t have to do anything when he’s home.

It’s the same with any aspect of life; just because it sucks, doesn’t mean you have to let it ruin your life. Why make myself miserable because he’s not here? What will it change? What good would it do me, him or us?

Just because I have mental health problems doesn’t mean I let them ruin my life, even when I’m depressed AND BPD. I might not feel any good but I still have to get on with living. I still have to look after the Porglets. I have to choose to keep on keeping on. I have to say “I refuse to spend the rest of my life feeling this way. I’m going to do something about it”.

It’s not easy and there have been days where I’ve chosen to give in to the illness rather than stand up to it; and that’s OK. I can’t fight all the time. But the days of giving in are fewer than before. I’ve spent more time at the doctors this year saying “this isn’t working; we need to try something else” than ever before.

I have to live with my situation whether I like it or not (definitely NOT!!) so it’s up to me to make it livable.

I don’t want Lovely Boyfriend to leave today but that doesn’t mean I won’t send him off with a smile.

Safe journey, darling x


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