…from a different perspective.
Lovely Boyfriend’s Mum texted yesterday afternoon to let him know about a programme on the radio (Radio Scotland, Changing Minds, 13.30ish). She said it was a really good talk about bpd.
We turned the radio on and I immediately worked out that it wasn’t a programme about mental health from my perspective but that of someone affected by me (obviously not me personally). The blurb on Radio Scotland’s website also says it was about bipolar and not bpd…but I stopped listening after a few minutes. I don’t think it matters which particular illness because of the general theme of the whole series (there will be 5 episodes in all).
I know life isn’t easy for those around me. I know my emotional upsets upset more than just me. I know Ex-hubby left me because of my actions when unwell. And I know I’m emotionally over-reacting when hearing a “victim” talk about her terrible life with her terribly unpredictable, selfish husband.
That’s oversimplifying, I know; turning it all black and negative. She also pointed out that she knew his behaviour wasn’t his fault and was down to his illness…but it was still hard to hear. I couldn’t get beyond the first page of the book “Walking on Eggshells” either because it came across in a “poor you having to put up with this monster of a person”.
Those of us with bpd suffer because our emotions over-react. That includes guilt in bucket-loads. We empathise more than is good for us; other peoples pain becomes our own. My mood always worsened in hospital when someone else self-harmed. I can’t explain why because I know it isn’t rational or logical; it just is.
So, for all those who feel negatively affected by my condition, I’m sorry and I feel your pain more than you could ever imagine. I’m working on it!