Mental Illness…

…from a different perspective.

Lovely Boyfriend’s Mum texted yesterday afternoon to let him know about a programme on the radio (Radio Scotland, Changing Minds, 13.30ish). She said it was a really good talk about bpd.

We turned the radio on and I immediately worked out that it wasn’t a programme about mental health from my perspective but that of someone affected by me (obviously not me personally). The blurb on Radio Scotland’s website also says it was about bipolar and not bpd…but I stopped listening after a few minutes. I don’t think it matters which particular illness because of the general theme of the whole series (there will be 5 episodes in all).

I know life isn’t easy for those around me. I know my emotional upsets upset more than just me. I know Ex-hubby left me because of my actions when unwell. And I know I’m emotionally over-reacting when hearing a “victim” talk about her terrible life with her terribly unpredictable, selfish husband.

That’s oversimplifying, I know; turning it all black and negative. She also pointed out that she knew his behaviour wasn’t his fault and was down to his illness…but it was still hard to hear. I couldn’t get beyond the first page of the book “Walking on Eggshells” either because it came across in a “poor you having to put up with this monster of a person”.

Those of us with bpd suffer because our emotions over-react. That includes guilt in bucket-loads. We empathise more than is good for us; other peoples pain becomes our own. My mood always worsened in hospital when someone else self-harmed. I can’t explain why because I know it isn’t rational or logical; it just is.

So, for all those who feel negatively affected by my condition, I’m sorry and I feel your pain more than you could ever imagine. I’m working on it!


5 thoughts on “Mental Illness…

  1. I also read that book. I wasn’t fond of it to say the least. We do try our best not to let others be negatively affected by our condition. It sounds like you’re doing very well. Hugs!

    • Lovely Boyfriend says the only person currently affected by my condition is me, which I suppose has to be true (he’d soon tell me otherwise!). I just find it upsetting when the attitude of “poor you, having to put up with all the horrible stuff” is given. The only person who HAS to put up with my behaviour is me and even I (especially I?) hate it more than anyone else ever could when it flares up! I don’t see it as a helpful approach to ending the stigma. Thanks for the reblog.

  2. I am proud of you and what you have achieved, you have written your books, learned to ride a bike, going to try for your CBT, all great accomplishments. Middle finger to all those who think negatively, and hugs to those who see all the good in you. Love your big sis. xx

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