…a bad combination?
Somewhere outside, a child is tooting into a plastic recorder whilst waiting on the school bus. I’m glad Lovely Boyfriend is still asleep, otherwise he’d be making moves towards his gun…For once, I wouldn’t disagree with him! This child cannot play and is setting my teeth on edge!
I learnt to play the recorder young. By the age of 8, I was reading music and playing a couple of flats/sharps. I played recorder as my second instrument at Higher (A-level); Bach and other classical pieces. I know recorders, in the right hands, can be good musical instruments. Lovely Boyfriend thinks I’m joking and need my head examined! I can see where he’s coming from. I’d happily remove this child from its recorder!
On a similar note, I have a Scot’s Day Oot concert this afternoon; Porglet Maximus and the rest of the middle/senior school. There will be Scottish Country Dancing.
I learnt Highland Dancing from before I can remember, and I was taught by world champions. My standards in this are ridiculously high. The thought of suffering through a flat-footed, going in the wrong direction, Strip the Willow fills me with as much horror as Lovely Boyfriend learning he has to sit through a recorder recital.
Why do I let imperfect things upset me so much? Why do I want to shout, scream and start positioning fingers on recorder holes and feet into second position?
Perfectionism…that dread part of my make-up that made group work a nightmare at school/university. The part of me that meant I spent 6 hours listening to Cockney accents on Saturday and could spend just as long again if I didn’t know it was unreasonable (thank you Wonderful Psychologist for teaching me the rule of Reasonableness!).
I know my reaction to that child (thankfully the bus has now gone) isn’t purely down to BPD. I know other parents will be suffering through the dancing just as much as I will!
I just wish my perfectionism would take five minutes off. I wish my emotional reaction to bad music/dance wasn’t so extreme and immediate. I didn’t learn to play the recorder overnight after all; my mum had to sit through the squeaks and toots of the first attempts. Getting it right takes a lot of time and practise.
Learning to stay on top of your emotions, whether you have BPD or not, takes just as much time and practise as learning to dance or play an instrument. We all go through off-key moments where we forget the steps.
Remembering that is important to living a more stable and controlled life.