…is trying to tell me something!
It’s taken at least 10 minutes to get this far from switching on, to connecting to the wireless internet, to loading up my browser, to loading up the blog, to loading up a new page and to typing this. I know I type quickly, but sometimes I’ve finished a sentence whilst the computer is still on the second or third word!
It’s having a GO SLOW morning and perhaps, just perhaps, that’s what I should be doing too. I’m full of the cold (thanks to my generous Porglets who love to share their germs) on top of feeling tired (Trazodone- started on Thursday and leading to snoozy afternoons), depressed (hopefully only until the Trazodone builds up in my system) and all BPD over the benefits saga.
One thing I learned during my 2 years of sort-of-DBT is that I’m allowed to be nice to myself. I’m allowed to have days when I don’t do anything (I wanted to type “all that much” because the thought of doing nothing is still abhorrent). I’m allowed to have a GO SLOW day when I need one, just so long as it doesn’t become habit rather than necessity.
I feel bad about going slow yet again today, because my last blog was a pyjama day. It feels like GO SLOW is becoming a habit. OK, I’ve had the Porglets since Thursday night, but I don’t feel entitled to another day off so soon. I should really have the Porglets today but they asked to have a sleepover with Granny and I wasn’t going to say no when Granny said yes.
I guess I feel guilty for not having them; I feel like I should be doing something else instead. But, you know what? My computer can’t really tell me to GO SLOW; it’s a 4-year old laptop, not a super-cyborg, artificial intelligence android. I’M telling myself to GO SLOW…maybe I should listen to myself once in a while?