Looking back through my posts from the past month, I can tell you I’ve been full of the cold since at least the 12th of February. If I cast my mind back further, I can remember the first signs of it a couple of days before that…it’s been almost a month of snotters, sore throat and coughing disgustingly.
I am not a happy bunny about it…and it runs deeper than general annoyance and frustration.
If you have a long-term mental health condition, physical health problems can affect you more than would be expected. And if you have a long-term physical health problem, your mental health may go downhill too. It’s a bit of a vicious circle.
It’s hard to feel anything but low when you’re feeling physically incapable. If you’re only able to curl up on the sofa with hot tea and cold ice-cream, how can you feel positive mentally? (Really good ice-cream helps but isn’t a cure).
I’m trying not to be too hard on myself. I haven’t achieved a great deal this past month and have buried my head in the sand over housework/finances/fixing the whole benefits-not-coming-in situation. It’s scaring me a little this morning; the first morning I’ve woken up feeling a little better.
It’s amazing how something so commonplace as a cold has effectively gobbled up a month of my time. A month of feeling apathetic. A month of not really feeling anything.
How do normal people cope? How do they continue working through the fog? How do they look after their families as well as themselves?
I know my BPD brain takes a simple cold and exaggerates the feeling of not-feeling-quite-right to epic proportions…and today, although I feel physically better, I feel mentally unwell; weak, tearful and wondering how I let something so simple affect me so much.
This is the reality of life with mental ill-health. It’s wildly unpredictable and simple things cause out-of-proportion behaviours.
I really wish the DWP could get their heads around that. Actually, I really wish I could get my head around it!